TW:(depression) Its been a long Week

This is gonna be the most personal post I have ever written.

These past two weeks have been the month of Elul,with the Jewish High Holidays. Due to the cult I grew up in I have extreme anxiety panic attacks and nightmares during this month. Sunday night Monday were Yom Kippur so I got my typical panic attack and nightmares yay(would be cool if hyperventilating for an hr wasnt such a given , ha).

Anyways today was mostly good but I have been in higher fight or flight mode than typical. Anyways our move has brought extreme grief from Honey and I feel like my body was mourning her.

And now m y brain/heart is mourning her! Posts from Jedda about Cocoa have been helping me slowly proccess https://notes.jeddacp.com/cocoa/ . I struggle with dealing with Honey and her talking about Cocoa really makes me grok a bit better how I am feeling with Honey. Jedda I am so so sorry for your loss, but I have to thank you for helping me proccess a bit.

Today was a very decent day . Even did a Decaf cupping from Frequent Coffee with M. But it hit me after that Honey isnt here to hang with us on the porch ......

I have been listening to this playlist
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMQ1NXpIQlQ&list=RDEMQazGLdS7KWMiVZjBd3Lbyg if your feeling like I am I hope it helps.



Rip Honey,
AY